A Student Perspective
Balancing borders: Lessons from an international student-parent journey
BY KARLY RAKHIMOVA
It’s 2 a.m. Our house is finally quiet after a day filled with classes, kids’ sports activities, part-time work and bedtime stories. As I sip my favorite Earl Grey tea, battling the infamous “writer’s block” while staring at a blank page, I reflect on the delicate dance of managing academia and parenting in the USA. This is my life as an international graduate student-parent—where every day brings new challenges, discoveries and opportunities for growth.
I am Karly, a first-year doctoral student at the Graduate School of Education, a passionate achiever who came to America with my husband and our three kids to fulfill a 20+ year dream of earning a degree in U.S. higher education. Reflecting on the COVID era, I am grateful for its life-changing opportunities: leaving an exhausting corporate career, teaching MBA courses, and, with the constant support of my dear husband, pursuing my long-held dream of studying in the U.S. Armed with business experience, time management skills and a result-oriented mindset, I completed my MS in global higher education in Madison, Wisconsin—a city forever close to my heart (and stomach) thanks to its famous cheese curds. Building on these experiences and fond memories, I am excited to share three key cultural differences and lessons learned.
1. With three kids in three different schools (elementary, middle and high school), we experienced the full spectrum of student life. What surprised me most was the expectation of high parental involvement. My husband and I found ourselves volunteering, attending sports competitions, school concerts, festivals and parent-teacher conferences like never before. Balancing priorities among three kids to ensure each feels loved and supported was no small feat—especially when it coincided with looming deadlines for back-to-back paper submissions. The secret? Embracing sleepless nights and finding joy in the chaos.
2. Along the way, our family experienced moments of amusement, shock and amazement. I wish I had kept a list of all the fresh perspectives we gained while navigating typical American encounters. From receiving a driver’s license through the mail (a system that, in my country, is reserved for retirement correspondence) to waiting a week for a credit card to arrive, every experience felt new. I learned to spell out my nine-letter name over the phone, fill out race information on forms for doctor’s appointments, adjust to taxes being added at checkout and grapple with tipping for service—even when the experience was far from stellar. Cultural adjustment can be stressful, but with the love and support of my family, I always had someone to call upon to stay resilient.
3. Cultural adjustment taught me the value of adaptability and perseverance, lessons that naturally carried into my graduate school experience. Graduate school tests your self-discipline and willpower, as most assignments rely on self-learning and independent reading. Unlike my school years, when being singled out by an instructor to answer a question was routine (and often intimidating), the classroom environment here emphasizes collaboration. Students frequently work in pairs or groups, and professors foster a partnership-like relationship. As I matured in my studies, I discovered a simple but powerful hack: taking small, consistent steps each day leads to astonishing results.
Being an international graduate student-parent is a journey shaped by resilience, adaptability and cultural discovery. It is about finding balance—between two worlds: the one I left behind and the one I am building here. This experience has taught me that growth often comes from navigating unfamiliar paths and that by bridging cultures and challenges, I am shaping my own future and inspiring my children to embrace a world without borders.
A native of Almaty, Kazakhstan, Karly Rakhimova is pursuing her PhD in higher education in the Department of Educational Leadership and Policy. She hopes her work “will inspire institutions to create more inclusive and compassionate learning environments where every student can thrive.”
GSE Students: Interested in sharing your student experiences and perspectives in Learn magazine? Contact us at gsenews@buffalo.edu.